Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize