Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
