well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
