i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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