i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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