On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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