I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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