you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
