Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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