barbara walters just said penis...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
