its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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