It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
