White coat. Heels.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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