just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
