I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
