Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
