i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
