I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You were trust falling into bushes
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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