Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
