My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
