Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
