im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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