singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Panties = found
Randomize
