I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
