'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
