sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
