Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
