I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
