If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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