I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
