I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
