I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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