Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
