I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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