she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
