I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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