your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
