you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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