Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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