$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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