me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
