We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
