Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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