Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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