Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
