dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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