I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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