Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
