No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
