Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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