You can't motorboat a personality
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
