So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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