Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
