i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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