you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The Olympian is in my bed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
