I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
