don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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