we're chasing vodka with high fives
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
