I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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