I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
