I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
