When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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