found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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