I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
