My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
