If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
