i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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