Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
