I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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