I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
