It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
