I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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